Updated: Nov 5
Another grand awakening
Another time when the masses are shown what many have been aware of for some time
Another example of those claiming to guide and protect us, overcome by greed
Another senseless massacre
Another attempt to wipe out the knowers and see-ers
Kir of @itsqueermagic has been a mouthpiece for the people in Palestine over the past month, their work is incredibly valuable and I encourage your support of them.
They posted an instagram reel recently reminding us that we are moving from the year of the chariot to a strength year. That this is only the beginning and that this fight is a marathon, not a sprint.
We need to root into a fuel source that will carry the revolution, that will usher in true liberation. I’ve been pondering what this looks like, liberation.
How can we tap into that and strengthen it to a point where oppressive forces couldn't breach us if they tried? How do we build a community that can stand impenetrable to any threat of control for the sake of greed?
I am in no space to answer this, as an individual and as a member of the privileged class. I won't know the perspective of being racially targeted, and don't know from experience how to support one who is.
I do know what harms us, the ones who benefit. I do know what social theorists and decolonizing activists have written and said. Here are some suggestions.
Buy local whenever possible. Your dollar is your vote, large corporations invest your dollar into keeping them rich and you- not rich. Buying from your community members keeps that dollar local, and you can learn exactly what they support.
Get to know your neighbors, what are their needs and what are their strengths? What are their perspectives?
Join a community message board, like nextdoor, trade goods and services here
Share a google doc with your neighbors, or better, make it physical. Ask people to share what they have to offer and share if they need support, here is a link to an outline for that: community needs and offerings
Create and share art that exposes the truth and expresses the hard feelings
Read and seek out decolonizing and anti racist text/ social theory- share these books with your neighbors
Of course, continue to spread information, volunteer, contact representatives, march for your beliefs
Strengthening our connection to each other aside from our reliance on capitalism breaks the individualism that makes us controllable. My long term goal has been to create a physical space that is off grid to live, to build community. The oppressors are SO small, they need us to do their bidding. We can't let them.
We’re in a sandbox.
There are kids, playing in all corners. Infinite toys to choose from.
There are little boys who will only want what someone else has.
They think the sandbox is a game to win.
They want the best sand,
the most toys,
and control over how the whole sandbox plays.
They use fear and violence to accomplish their desires, and for a while we listened. Shuttered and handed the toys over.
Now, there are many who never did,
who always fought.
Many who were forced out of the sandbox all together.
Went kicking and screaming.
We can all hear them still.
In the sand castles.
The toys they once loved.
And the masses are starting to look at these toys, and see how small they really are. And those boys, how sad.
And how many there are of us
And how full of love
How we can hold hands
And say no
And our no means no
And we deserve to play
And there will be anger still and we will have to learn to share, to adapt
But we will play.
Have you heard that change is coming? Have you heard the rumblings of the new? The shifting of the old?
Since mid July, it seems everyone is in a transition, a tower. If you follow astrology, you may note how this journey aligns with various retrogrades and planetary aspects. My experience has been that the true essence of this feeling is unnamable, that perhaps I am changing my relationship to change itself. This indescribable sensation has come to me in whispers by the sea, if you've spoken to me in the last few months you’ve heard me describe it as an eerie calm. I can only compare it to experiences I have had where everything is stripped away until there's only the center. An other- dimensional pillar of liquid in the desert.
“Come with me
to the end and the beginning
or struggle here awhile
like a beautiful autumn leaf.”
As I type this out, I have ‘Adventure Time’ as a body double. In theme with this energy, the show wields a powerful message. In season 6 episode 22 Finn the human is offered the choice above and this struggle stuck with me. Maybe the change has been the move of a dying leaf to drift towards the ground. A yearly movement that we peer into with a new perspective every time, yet this year it's as if the universe is saying “pay attention”. Continue the fall, continue with grief, or meet at the end and the beginning. The choice, however, isn't the lesson. It is the possibility of choice that involves new meaning to existence. If grief is another beautiful and necessary motif of life, does the fall become the point? Can the fall be a source of peace? Is the eerie calm the equalizing of the rise and the fall? Neither are wells of anxiety when seen as a whole, so maybe the change is fear slipping.
Have you felt the change? What does it taste like? Who does it remind you of?
“You're telling me
to abandon all this stuff,
but you're not really
making it sound bad.
It's not bad.
I'm just giving you the choice
of a new mode of existence.
I feel like I put a lot of work
into this meat reality.
to see it through.”
TW: the following segment Is in response to anti trans bigotry, and it discusses said actions.
There are Nazis in the streets saying there will be blood. There are murderous Nazis in the streets. Too afraid and small to even show their faces, but there are nazis in the streets. They’re fueled by such a deep hatred and self loathing that they spend their mornings parading in front of queer art performances. They can’t fathom the different, the expressive, the beautiful. They long for a world of control, of sameness, of hierarchy. They wake up crying, there will be blood. They crave knowing where and who they are based on someone telling them. They scream “save me, tell me what to do, tell me who I am. I must be labeled, and if you say your label doesn’t fit, I am forced to question my own.”
They’ve never known love, so they mistake it for control.
There are wars across the world. Famine, fascism, pure hatred. I think that people who want to manifest violence want to feel invincible. They want to feel like they can do and get away with anything.
It’s ironic because I feel that way when I wear what I want, cut my hair and use the pronouns that suit me. This freedom, however, doesn’t inspire me to kill. I remember the first time I saw someone in drag, I thought “If she can do that, I can do that, I can be anything and anyone I want”
What sickness inhabits self proclaimed nazis that they believe others must be killed and controlled to feel this aliveness? And that aliveness to them means such evil? Why is it that some of us see people living freely and are inspired to live, while others see this as a threat to their own experience of the same feelings?
I think they were never loved. I think many of us were never loved, but some of us seek it out while others try to keep anyone from ever feeling it. I think it’s so they don’t feel alone. They probably need the most love out of any of us, but they don’t know love, they only know control. Their nervous system sees love as a threat.
I am angry and I am scared and I don’t know the answers, but I won’t let this hatred inspire me to live in hatred. I don’t want to live in violence and I don’t want to live in separation. I want to feel it all, I want to put love into the world. I want us all to grow, and understand each other deeply. I want this understanding to conjure the deepest forms of respect and connection.
How can we queer the way of decision making?
I’ve been an altar tender, a god denier, a hellscape apologist. I’ve been an academic, a world traveler, a hermit. I’ve lived many lives, even under this same name. Along the way I’ve been slammed against the wall of my ego like a pinball machine. I’ve cursed it, for always influencing me to become something I hate, only to remind me how much I hate it. This ego, they have been trained. I told my therapist today “I don’t remember authentic and present interaction as a child, I only remember being told who and how to be.” What is wrong, what is right. Who is bad, who is good. Never curiosity, inspiration, intuition, or discernment. My ego is my bodyguard, my safety through an ever changing morality. My ego has been trained in the language of hate. My anger has become fuel for abandonment and isolation.
Many people within spiritual communities praise the death of the ego, but the ego does not die. I wonder, can we teach our ego’s a different language? What if, when we are drawn to keep cutting off the dead leaves, we first look to see if the roots are getting enough water?
As non-hierarchical beings, it is outside of our realm to decide who is better or worse. This is not a plea to dismiss anger or to override your boundaries. Many of us have seemingly relied on our anger and our boundaries to distinguish who is a rotten and vile person. This is ,rather, an inquiry. How can we train the tool of the ego to find the route of peace? Im beginning to ask my ego, what is fun for me right now? Because what is “right” exists within a binary, always at war with the “wrong”. How do we start with easing the war within?
Support Ava by following on instagram and/or venmoing @Ava-Schwartz-2
When I tuned in to the channeling for this month, spirit guided me to sit in joy, to amplify it with my vision. To share my vision, to tempt you into sitting in this joy as well.
It came as no surprise for me to learn the affirmations for this month, as well as the card and rune, were whispering along the same frequency. Does it not smell of pisces season? A celeste haze of dreams and adoration and crying about adoration.
I was guided to share my own dreams, though not the ones I journey through when my body rests. I am an avid dreamer, in fact I am dreaming right now. It is these waking dreams, this form of romanticizing, that I am asked to share with you. The words piled up on my tongue itching to move through to my fingertips, they speak of the glorious beasts throwing their heads while their bodies hold still. Soaking up the sun, beginning to gift us with pillows of color. Reaching out their hands and provoking you to journey into their world with their intoxicating scent. Do you know them? We build our homes out of their fresh carcasses and fry their offspring over domesticated flames, but they aren't fueled by anger or vengeance.
They want us to relish this dream. The warmth that lines your stomach after coating your throat, it is your purpose. They want us to feel this, do you feel it? The pinch on your right pinky toe as your foot rocks through wool skin on the stable surface of their removed organs, it is life, it is all creation!
To dream is to step into living. To step into the rebellion of the galaxy that is your senses, that is your body. To dream is to be the pool of warm substance that is birthed through the love making of bean and water, and to dream is to be the cotton coated tongue that follows.
How does it feel to be in your dream?
Support Ava by following on instagram and/or venmoing @Ava-Schwartz-2
Channeling by Ava
Winter is a time of self reflection, rest, and darkness. Our body needs space to replenish itself and bask in silence after constantly receiving information via the sun. Because capitalism pressures us to continue our 24 hour cycles the same way in each season, this season can bring about a lot of despair. We feel we are fighting our body’s natural rhythm. Even when we can’t hibernate the way we would like to, we are still physically experiencing the lack of light and information. In this dormancy our body prepares to regenerate, and now is the time we start seeing the signs of this rebirth. Each cycle of your life prepares you for a different aspect of yourself to be born and for other parts of yourself to die.
This season the birth of “no” outside of dichotomy, from deep within my body, is what has shown up for me. I invite you to ponder this as well. A ‘no’ that doesn’t need to grow from a foundation of good/bad- right/wrong. I don’t mean these sensations of right and wrong don’t exist in your body, that would be discernment. I mean discernment functions differently in each body and there is no one true overarching judgment. The no I speak of is a no that comes from your core. This ‘no’ demands to be respected, without needing to prove a reasoning of why it is correct. As I have witnessed this ‘no’ bloom from my own body, I notice my mind propelling fear down my nervous system. I hear beliefs that say I must apologize or explain. Voices that say I must be missing something. My mind was taught it needs a reason, my mind was taught that certain ‘no’s’ inspire violence against my body.
This violence comes from another mind who was taught that a ‘no’ from another which is a ‘yes’ for them, is a threat. I am starting to witness that a feeling of threat can be neutralized when my explanation for my ‘no’ is “my body just does not want this.” I can’t explain to you logically why, or maybe I can, but either way any reasoning does not seem as powerful as what my body needs right now to feel safe and listened to. I can’t say the experience of standing by your body’s decision is safe or listened to in every instance. My body is one with white skin and is occasionally cis passing, and I acknowledge that this affects my experience. This is an invitation to experiment with your body’s decision making if and when it feels safe and aligned for you. In my experience, decisions that come from reason can change as one learns and grows or is influenced by another’s reason. Decisions from my body have never led me astray.
If, at this moment, my body says it does not have the energy to do what I am told is best for it, then that is not what is best for it. What is best for my body will always be up for my body to decide. The mind is a helpful tool to understand larger systems and other people, even to categorize what my body is teaching me. My mind is not the ruler of my needs or my worth. My body is not angry that I am not a triathlon fitness model, my body is not angry that I don't want to leave my bed. My body is trying to tell me it needs something. Rest, love, laughte, peace, to be listened to.
This winter has been a time of relearning the difference between the voice of mind and body via the guidance of spirit. As I bloom with the Earth, I am thrilled and terrified to see where this guides me.
To support Ava,
you can follow them on Instagram @avatheraven and venmo them @Ava-Schwartz-2
Channeled By Ava: Moving with love through conflict and creating boundaries How can we approach someone or something causing hurt with love? What actions can we take that say “you're not bad, you're not exiled, you're not inherently wrong, but this is causing me pain.” and let the understanding of our emotions, accompanied with any boundaries, be enough. How do we distinguish punishment from boundaries when the boundary is unpleasant?
“Punishment, commonly, is the imposition of an undesirable or unpleasant outcome upon a group or individual, meted out by an authority” It can feel icky when someone's boundary conflicts with your wants or desires (for example: A child wants pizza and the parent doesn't have the energy to make or buy it.) The difference, however, is when a boundary is used in a response to hurt and to control the other by establishing authority (not allowing a child to have pizza because they said/ did something considered “bad”) To approach hurt with love does not mean delete your feelings, it does not mean pretend everything is ok. We can sit with these feelings, and with our community, and see the feelings for their roots. The conversation becomes: “This action hurts me, I feel (emotion), I need (boundary/request)” rather than putting the blame on a person and punishing them for it. Approaching with love can mean creating boundaries about how much/ little you can experience being around this person. Importantly, these boundaries do not mean you as an individual have the authority to declare how others relate to this person. Yes, it can hurt when people agree with the person who hurt you, but is it not creating the same energy to gather people who see them as a hurtful person? Living in a society reliant on punishment, it is a practice to unlearn these habits. Punishing yourself for not acting this way in the past is just as hurtful as punishing others. May you set love as your focus through the trial and error of conflict resolution this Year of the Chariot. Support Ava! IG: @avatheraven444 Venmo: Ava-Schwartz-2
Channeled By Ava: Pain as a portal for pleasure “I am hurting. My world has been filled with this liquid pain and I won't pretend I can put it to the side to make sure YOU feel seen by ME.” -Excerpt from a poem I channeled
As I meditated on this channeling, my focus and attention was brought to the wormhole we are moving through. We are between eclipses as I write this, though you will be receiving this message as we reflect on the other side of this leap. I began to stretch and I leaned into the point where I started to feel pain in my tendon. As I zoomed in on this sensation, it occurred to me that the pain I felt was actually tension. There was a tightness, a stiffness. I envisioned this tension the same as a closed fist or a clenched jaw, and I began to slowly soften and open. I surrendered to the pain, and it melted into an almost orgasmic sensation. This is the magic of the south node in scorpio and north node in Taurus, if we soften and allow in the face of pain, death, and heartbreak we are guided to the realm of pleasure. Through my experimentation with this practice, I realized allowing and surrendering can be all consuming. For many of us, this is one of the first times welcoming pain rather than shutting the door in its face, and that can be overwhelming. It becomes increasingly important to surround yourself with people who allow you to put this focus on yourself and encourage you to feel into its depths. This is especially true as queer people, as many of us are re-learning how to feel seen by people close to us. Societally, we are encouraged to learn how to neatly package our emotions in a way where they can be put on a shelf if our help is needed. This is something I used to pride myself in. I had to face that pushing your feelings away from the now is not sustainable, and if my gender can not be wrapped neatly into a binary, why should my emotions? When you change, your environment can either change with you or you have to leave it behind. Sometimes our pain needs our undivided love and attention, and sometimes this means people will need to fall away from our lives. As you stretch into new depths this season, possibly initiated by deep seeded pains, I encourage you to make space for you. If there are factors of your life that can’t sustain your needs for self care, this is the time for them to rearrange. I hope you can meet this change with grace, and meet yourself with love. -Ava they/he/she Find me on instagram @avatheraven444 Tip me on venmo at Ava-schwartz-2